filled and fooled

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My Truths #2

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Wait, what? I thought I published this~!!!! I’m confusing myself or I went on to My Truths #3.  Ooops!

 

I really enjoyed the comments on yesterday’s post, in fact I think the comment strings reveal more about My Truths #1 thoughts and feelings.

MT #2:  The things I’m most afraid of my husband doing with another woman, are often things I want to do with another man.

So obviously my husband and I both prefer a scenario where we play together whether with a guy, a girl, or a couple.  But I can’t deny that I fantasize about getting to know the guys I have sex with more than I had been.  I think the casual friendship we have with James is perfect, though I think it would be better if we got to see him more, because it never feels like we have enough time.  Having said that…

I admit, I would enjoy being alone with him or another man because I think it would just be fucking hot and exciting.  That includes the lead up, flirting and messaging.  The primping and shopping for the occasion.

So, I’m a hypocrite.  I want something but don’t want my loving hubby to have it.

I think it comes down to differences in gender.  I’ve read so many times that woman are fickle creatures.  One day something turns us on while the next day it turns us off.  For some women, catching us in the right mood is like winning a prize at the carnival, we are moving targets.  It takes work to get to know us, time and energy, and trust-building.  Then respect, and taking good care of yourself and working to look sexy and desirable.  Do I want my husband to invest that time and energy into another women?

For me to find another man, no offense, but I wouldn’t need to talk or learn his likes or dislikes, or figure out what makes him tick.  No, I just need to move the right way, show the right skin or look at him and smile at the right moment.  And remind him I’ve been told I give the best blow jobs.

Maybe I give myself too much credit….  If we forget that fact, can we just agree that it would take a woman a lot less time and energy to find an eager partner than a man?  Is his attention, not his penis, the thing I’m protective over?

Hell yes!

So getting back to My Truths, #2, I’ll admit, it is bullshit mental games.  Why is it okay for me to want to get to know another man to increase my desire, not because I want a new partner, but because I think I would like it more, but I want to withhold that from my best friend?  I’m spending way too much mental energy on this fear instead of moving on with enjoying our relationship.  I suppose that is why there is this sense of urgency in finding another woman, because I know it can’t be the worst thing, and I just need to try it.

Back and forth…stand by my fear or test it? All my life I’m wishy washy trying to make everyone happy.  We can’t just make ourselves happy though, right? I’m responsible for more than my own happiness now.

7 thoughts on “My Truths #2

  1. Wow…you and I have more than I thought in common. Except for me, I wish it was my wife who wanted to have another man in the way you described. Not so much because I want a woman like that in my life…though at times it would be nice, I would like for my wife to have someone to be with that could make her feel sexy. That kind of sexy that you only feel with a new partner….After 20 years of marriage, no matter what you do to make somone feel sexy, its almost like its all been done before or that its not about lust or desire, but more about love and intimacy. Its nice to feel desireable and lusted after!!!!

    • My husband just said this same thing to me tonight, after reading this post. We should want that for one another, to feel the best we can, especially after this many years together. We are coming up on 9 years of marriage!

  2. “We can’t just make ourselves happy though, right? I’m responsible for more than my own happiness now.”

    In my opinion and to answer your question. You are not responsible for anyone’s happiness (removing kids from the statement) but your own. You can be the reason for someone else’s happiness, but never hold yourself responsible for it. You will fail each and every time.

    Of course, if you believe that for yourself than you have to realize that it holds true for others as well and that means they are not responsible for your happiness either but their own.

    xoxo

    • Very good insight ‘Tis. I think you are right that I need to make sure I take care of myself first, which means being true to my intuition, and then I will see whom really is responsible for who’s happiness.

  3. Ultimately, you need to make more room in the equation for your happiness. Period.

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