filled and fooled


I Gave Craig Another Chance


I was laying in the bath yesterday trying to figure out what I should do about updating you on our not-as-exciting-as-usual sexual adventures.


This bath selfie pales in comparison to Hy’s bathtime pics. But I was feeling like I wanted to show you all I was still here, and nice and warm and clean.

A couple weeks ago I had decided that Craigslist just wasn’t working for us.  Even though we’ve tried other swinging sites in the past, we’ve found that Craigslist gives us more options in our realistic drive-to-fuck radius.  Chances of meeting another couple while out on the town are very low because our date nights are pretty scarce (well, not compared to most parents of young children but ignore that).  Craigslist just worked for us, despite all my complaints a few weeks ago.

So, it was only a few days after my post about how done I was with Craig,  I was back to checking casual encounters and sending my husband links to respond to (if he wanted).  I didn’t necessarily have to trust the individuals we corresponded with, but I suspended my disbelief before I was proven right or wrong.  So here is a brief summary of what has happened since our last discussion of Craig’s suckiness:

M4MF: We will call him Dan.  My husband replied to his ad and thought he seemed like a nice guy.  He wanted to try something new and gave Dan my number so we could all talk.  Dan started sending me messages right away and never sent my husband another message.  On top of that, I was bored with him right away.  After a few days I was willing to give him a hard time for not even trying to impress me.  I ignored his messages for a few more days, but was impressed with his tenacity and varied methods of reaching my attention.  I threw him a bone with a sexy response one day, but I’m still not impressed with his responses after that and the fact he has not once reached out to my husband since getting my number.  Currently ignoring his messages.

MF4MF:  We will call them Tom and Anna.  My husband replied to their ad for another (not local) couple to meet at a nearby hotel room that coming weekend.  After a few days of messaging with Anna, my husband offered my number to Tom so we could all get to know one another.  His and my messaging was sparse, but he seemed pretty cool.  Anna and I did not talk, but per Tom, she was very interested in some bi-couple play at our home that weekend.  We planned the night a bit, with it ending by them returning to their room by the time the kids wake.

I’ll be honest that the bi play with her didn’t interest me that much, and Tom wasn’t acting all that interested in me.  I wanted this to happen for D, he reminds me often how many men he’s let me be with and how few women I’ve let him be with (two, almost) and him and Anna seemed to have built some sexual tension.

But then Tom dropped the “truth” or something…the morning before we were to meet Tom messaged my husband that it was actually him acting as Anna when they sent sexy messages back and forth. He went on to say that she really does exist but he doesn’t let her in on the pre-meeting messages because “it get’s her hopes up and there are too many flakes on Craigslist.”

Fuck, how can you trust the guy now? Weird! First, I would be so upset if my husband acted as me without telling me.  He said she knew about it, but even then, I am not going to let someone pretend to be me ever and the other women I want to spend time with would never let that happen either.  Second, he is the flake, the liar, the Craigslist weirdo.  But my husband D and Tom continued talking.  Plans even changed, they no longer had a room for the night.  It all made me question her existence in the first place.  It ended easily when I asked my husband to request that they meet before coming to our house, and Tom called us “flakes” for changing up the plans.   Done.

M4MF:  Jared responded to an old ad my husband had placed for another couple.  He was very articulate, and very obviously smart and gentlemanly.  He may be in our future, but for some reason when it comes time for him to come over I don’t feel like it.  So I’ve probably made us seem like the flakes.  Maybe I’m flaking because I haven’t talked to Jared at all.  I’m deciding I’m just no good at that sexy messaging thing but I do want to know the guy a little before I embark on a sexual journey with him.

At this point I feel no need to stop the casual peeking at CL Casual Encounters about once or twice a week, with hopes that a real good match for us might come up again.  And we’ll keep our eyes open for other couples and swinging friends.  Of course we always have each other when it comes to satiating a desire or need.

Sometimes it does feel like we have a sense of urgency or need to increase the frequency of our encounters, but I think when you decide to open your relationship you want to ride the momentum of that rush for fear that taking a break might break this magic spell.  The energy just feels too good to stop the flow.  We are only this young (and hot) once.

36 thoughts on “I Gave Craig Another Chance

  1. pretty pretty picture G. I love that nipple peeking out ; )

  2. Craigslist has been good and bad for me. I’ve met some great guys that I honestly believed it could’ve turned into something great, but then they get cold and disappear. It makes me apprehensive about trying it because it’s a lot of work to end up having these guys flake out. But it is quick and easy so it’s hard not to want to try it again.

    • I think, these days after writing this post, that I’m in need of some clarity of what exactly I want out of another man or couple from craigslist. First problem is that I’m never ready the first night in replying, and that goes against a rule I think. Maybe Craig is my relationship with other men outside my marriage. We will see…

  3. Man, that thing about “Tom” and “Anna” made my blood boil because we’ve run into this situation so many times it ain’t even funny – we despise men who use their women as bait to get some other guy’s woman. It’s dishonest and dispicable.

  4. Whenever I’ve used CL to find men for props for my photos of Sofia, I always work through 30 just to find 6 that seem serious (and not crazy), and even if I only need one, I invite all six because, in the end, only one or 2 will show. Doesn’t surprise me anymore how flaky CL people are. For that last photo shoot with the binoculars, I had some much more explicit shots in mind, involving one of the men who’s pic was very hot. He didn’t show. I had another hot guy as a backup, but his pic was 20 years old, it seemed, when he showed he was not the model I was looking for. Too bad. Could have been good for him.

    • Awww, that is too bad! They certainly missed out from what I’ve seen.
      I keep thinking that we’ve come across a genuine newby in the world of CL, someone who will be true to their word, but who knows, maybe I’m just expecting too much, and as you say there is a 1/6 chance, it seems to be about true according to our in-house statistician.

  5. Crap sorry this is so long… le sigh.

    Dan: I kind of feel for the single guy willing to get in the middle of a couple, because the woman is the one to decided and the one he would be getting busy with , why bother with the husband? Perhaps I am being biased here but I generally believe that most men meeting for the first time in the same room will get along just fine, us women however….

    Tom and Anna: CREEPY! With most ‘couples’ online I tend to think they are projecting outward but he is clearly the flake in that one, you are so right there is no way I would let my husband speak to another guy as me.

    Jared: guys are ready to go, some of us women like to know our partners and that isn’t a bad thing.

    I know your husband reads this so I will kind of write to you both: texting can be fun and all but nothing works better than meeting someone right away for that drink or coffee. I find that texting usually lets people get or stay sexual right away, and it sounds as though you want to know more about them – having things stay sexual limits conversation and sort of puts pressure to preform or guarantees something will happen when it doesn’t happen right away no wonder the conversation (or willingness to impress you) fades quickly – I have found that the medium isn’t really conducive to that.

    Not saying guys will lie to get in your pants but Tom is a prime example of just how far some will go/say what you want to hear just as an example had you shared an email or two and the pics and set a time to meet up I think you would have found out sooner that Anna was a fantasy. Single guys aren’t going to woo you as they would a single woman G, you have a man and there is no way they are going to step over him to get to you… the negotiation is often more subtle and will come in time.

    What is more difficult is the expectation that these people have to impress you both via text – I don’t text but I can tell you that I am not going to be texting a couple separately and whoever else Im trying to get things moving with would take up too much of my time. I resolved a long time ago for myself and D that we are not ‘dating’ couples anymore, way too much work for little reward and as much as I can appreciate the friends aspect – often the more you know the less you wish you did.

    As for you having more men than him women – well there are more men out there willing to get in the middle. When I was single I didn’t set out to fuck a couple, it was something that just happened and it was usually with casual acquaintances. The numbers are always going to skewed in your favour and it is unfair but certainly it can be unfair to put ones partner in a situation that they need to follow through because the numbers aren’t even. This might explain the lack of interest in Jared? Ever consider a more adult club venue where people meet with sexual intentions but makes for an even playing field?

    You are so right, there is a rush and a desire to consume a bunch of people right away when this starts but you come to find your own way of doing things that work and with kids that can be hard but consider really figuring out what exactly it is you want because all of these people are passing buy and will never live up to your expectations till you two are on the same page.

    I use my cam a lot with couples, I get them both in the same place at the same time, with clothing on so we can all sit and see each other for a conversation of the minds – and go from there. Just an idea.

    As always good luck and I love that you are still hopeful!

    • Food, a feast for thought really. #1 I realize I need to adjust my expectations a bit. I like the idea of using my cam to meet people and/or interact.
      I wish I could write more in response to your thoughtful reply, but please know that we’ve taken into consideration everything you put out here. I think it has helped us evolve a bit, grow a bit, baby steps right? Thank you again!!

  6. You’re lucky to have a relationship like you do – “best partner ever” : ) What a hot post that was. I don’t think I could do what you do. I imagine it but I don’t know?? Your relationship has to be strong to be able to have the fun without jealousy rearing it’s head. I think that would be normal but with a realtionship like yours, you guys get beyond that and that’s rich. Beyond the sexy sexy sex – you have something greater with your hubby. That’s what is HOT G – besides, of course, your personality. xo, Jayne

    • You are so very sweet miss Jayne, a week plus later I finally respond, I’m feeling bad about this.

      I do want to say that sometimes it is harder for one of us to work through jealousy. The harder part has been working over feelings of jealousy when the partner feels entitled to something. Hard to explain when I’m going fast, but I wanted to thank you so much for your response.

      • There was a story about polygamy and it was getting the usual battering from people new to the idea. Jealousy was brought up to the couple as an attack in having the emotion itself…as if you have to just stay away from the emotion because it’s “bad”. I absolutely loved their response. They both addressed jealousy as a flag to address something within themselves and or their relationship. They articulated very well just how they see jealousy as normal and a tool to work through their issues which only made them stronger. Some people stop at the fear of jealoust and look away instead of facing jealousy as this couple did. I just loved how they rose above the fear…and grew from the adversity. It takes guts.

        • It does take guts, and I totally agree with them. To ignore such strong emotions or just bottle them as rightful because that is how tradition has dictated it, is a disservice to ourselves and our partner. At the very basic level we are not given a finite amount of love to spread between everyone, when we love another it doesn’t take away the love from someone else. Just because I’m attracted to someone does not automatically mean I’m not attracted to my mate. Letting go, and seeing that a longer leash means less tug and more joy for all, has been a valuable life lesson (which can be attributed to all types of relationships!).

          • I think that is the enlightened way to live G. It’s only in facing our fears that we conquer or diminish them and love is one of the exponential rewards. Just divorcing the way I did ( no animosity, petty bickering or hatred ) I had and still have women looking at me sideways – unbelieving or skeptical. Emotions or actions outside of the norm scares people and stepping outside your own “normal” is a courageous act to a great degree. It seems more people are scared rather than pursuant of really examining themselves . What I have found in facing fears and forcing or moving outside the norm is that there are spiritually rich rewards. I might sound “out there” to you but I think you’ll know what I mean. xo, J

            • I’m out there with you though Jayne, I really get it. I wish more people did, that paralyzing fear is no way to live this only life we are given. We are only this age once, we only have this one today. It is work, but like you said there are rich rewards.

              Many many xo’s to you J!!!

  7. Notwithstanding what KDaddy said above (and he’s right) as an uninvolved outsider looking in I had to laugh my ass off at the Tom and Anna story. The world is full of flakes like Tom. I can just imagine him sitting at his laptop, planning the whole thing, and thinking how clever he was. How he’d seduce you both, as Tom AND Anna, and make you both so hot for it that you wouldn’t care when he turned up solo with some ludicrous story about how ‘Anna’ couldn’t come because her poor sick mother had fallen out of her bed at the hospital and ruptured her spleen, at which point the doctors discovered she also needed a kidney transplant and Anna was the only donor match, but Tom didn’t want to let you down because he’s NOT a flake, so here he is, let’s fuck.

    I’ve discovered in life that liars and hustlers always have very elaborate stories that (in their minds) you couldn’t possibly not believe. I imagine they’d have a field day via CL.

  8. You’re brave to keep trying. xxoo

  9. HA! Good ole ‘Craig’ lol… there is a method to the Casual madness. I think the key is to go with the gut instinct. If it feels ‘right’ it can turn out VERY, VERY WELL 😀 – but if it feels ‘not right’, it probably ain’t ! lol

    • Thank you!! Sometimes there feels like such an urgency to meet someone and do some VERY VERY WELL stuff with them, that urgency causes me to not trust myself as much. Hey, thanks for dropping that line, I’m not meaning to ignore you but I’ve needed a break from the computer for the most part this past month or longer.

  10. Great post, G. And some wonderful, informative comments from people that Know.

    “I wanted this to happen for D, he reminds me often how many men he’s let me be with and how few women…”
    You are being very unfair to yourself. D has set up the meetings with the men and sometimes enjoyed playing with their cocks, occasionally taking their happy ending, too. He has also had a one-to-one with your blessing, a huge demonstration of your trust in him. He is enjoying both sides of the house, so don’t feel guilty that he is missing out. I am sure that you both get better (and safer) adventures acting as a couple.
    How about making a list of who-got-who and see how much that evens things out. Not as a way of keeping score, but to show that it is more balanced than the raw numbers would suggest, simply because he has wider sexual tastes.

    • I always love and appreciate your comments Nick, always valuable things to consider!! Thank you so much for stepping up and saying what I hoped someone would say, because I don’t feel he is justified in feeling owed something. I’ve made the point to him enough now that he is going to take a more easy-going approach for the sake of our/my sanity. I have to give you big hugs if/when we ever meet you, someday we will visit my friend!! And I didn’t mean to ignore your email my friend, I have been taking a much needed break from gmail…sorry.

  11. I met a guy for lunch yesterday after he answered one of my CL ads. Everything seemed great until we got to our kinks. I try not to judge, but I’m definitely too vanilla for water sports. Too bad. He was a cutie, and we had a lot in common.

    Every guy in my loop right now came from CL. Every single one. Don’t give up, G. It’s still a good place for what you want.

    • I’m curious about the water sports thing, you wouldn’t take a piss on someone? I sure would, especially if they really wanted it! Sexy!!


      CL isn’t a horrible place, I think that it meant we needed to take a step back as a couple and reevaluate our needs/wants. For one, I’ve never been ready to meet a guy the day/night of replying or posting. I just need a little more time to get used to the idea. I don’t even have to talk to them I just need to make them wait. So perhaps it is me that is using CL all wrong.

  12. Nice pic, G!
    Good luck on the hunt.

  13. G, this may be merely showing how superficial I am, but if that really is a shot of you in the tub, well…youre amazing looking! I’ve read the concerns you have about your appearance, and with 2 babies I can sympathize, but just kow that this girl thinks youre smokingly delisciously curvy!!!

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