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Craig, I Think We Need a Break

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(Possible trigger within: childhood sexual abuse)

__________________________________________

Craig, your list kind of sucks.

I know, I know, you get what you pay for.

On Monday night Derek replied to an ad in the local Craigslist Casual Encounters section for a couple seeking another couple.  Looking through Craigslist has been something like a hobby lately, keeping hope we can meet another Green or Blue or Rick and Chloe.  You don’t see too many mw4mw ads in our city, so Derek told me he was going to reply and got right on it.  He sent several photos of me in his response, usually he will do a body pic first to find out if the other people are real.  But no, by some (forgivable) lapse of judgement he sent off my face pics, body, titty and maybe an ass pic.

They responded not long after, but it wasn’t read until after a night of blissful slumber.  The response: “lol i know (Myrealname). wow she has nice tits!”

When he read the response I think D froze for a moment wondering if he was going to get in trouble with me.  He called me in from preparing breakfast and read the response to me.  And then read it again a few times because I needed it.

I was a bit shocked, this was the first time our my “cover” has been blown.  I smiled in amazement, and said, “oh my god!”

I was a bit humiliated. But that didn’t last long, as certainly this was like running into someone you know at a swinger’s club.  Except they wore a mask and laughed as they recognized me, then ran away.  When D pulled up their original ad, it had no photos and the physical descriptions were vague.  The women had written the ad, and the response appeared to come from her.  That was all I had to go on.

We composed a response somewhat quickly, summarizing that it feels awkward that they know me, and how we would like to know who they are.  And thanks for the compliment.

And I waited, and waited, and waited all morning.  My husband D was at work, and I tried to stay busy at home, biting my nails as I poured over my Facebook friends list for 32 year old dyed-blond wife of a dark haired man I might know.  My stomach turned as I realized how most of my friends are not even on Facebook.  Why was I nervous?  I just didn’t like not knowing who it was.

Fine, it was thrilling, to say the least.  From the mix of humiliation and embarrassment, came the feeling I was being watched, the high of being on display, I was naked in front of a crowd of clothed people.  The secret that I wasn’t just an innocent wife and mother but a strong sexual being had finally broke free into the “real world”.  Sure, these feelings were inflated, all they knew was that we like to swing, and that I have nice boobs, nothing really more.

It made my panties wet all day.  I ached with anticipation in a whole new and different way.  As each potential “suspect” was ruled out I sighed with frustration and relief.

Then she responded.  And my fantasy that it could be someone “good” was blown.  Damn, I want that fantasy back.

It was one of my oldest acquaintances from childhood.  A girl who was banned from our house for trying to engage my little sister and I in sexual activities when we were teeny tiny.  Probably the LEAST sexy person I could ever imagine.  And it brings a slew of memories back that I’d like to keep bottled.

So, I’m mad at you Craig.  Your list sucks.  All you give me are young assholes who think just because my husband wants to share me that I’m not a real person who wants to actually be turned on before I give it up.  You give us photo collectors, and men who lie about having a woman who is going to join us.  And then you give me the girl who has been trying to get in my pants since I started wearing them.  Fuck you Craig. We are done.

24 thoughts on “Craig, I Think We Need a Break

  1. I like that you chose to see the ‘coming out’ as a positive, of your sexuality, and not a negativity that could have turned into a state of paranoia and abandoning your fantasy.

    CL is certainly just one tool in the toolbox that we use – not that any other sites are better than or worse than, it is just what the internet personals have become and makes the desire of a black book of names you can call on all the more reasonable.

    Sorry to hear it was her but at least you found out – before email exchanges and possibly a meeting, but now you know she is out there and I bet your gut will lead you straight.

    • It is that black book of names we strive to have, but it also makes me feel needy and impatient. But it shouldn’t be out-there as an idea or concept.
      Thank you so much, for your feedback is always useful and affirming. I think you are right, knowing she is out there, and seeing this idea of sexuality come full circle (I see her as representing some repressed sexual urges from childhood)…it is all different and strange, and I’m so glad I have you all to bounce my thoughts off of.

  2. Wow, that really sucks. But don’t lose all hope with CL or any of the other sites out there. There are assholes and perverts (the disgusting kind, not the fun kind) everywhere, but there are good ones out there, too. Taking a break from CL is probably a good idea, and now you and your husband have learned the hard way to use a bit more caution. But you’ve got to take the good along with the bad. Or the REALLY bad, as the case may be.

    • We have totally learned from this, and really the good still outweighs the bad when you take into account our positive experiences. Caution, yes! Thank you Jen, glad you visited 🙂

  3. I don’t really “like” this story, but I think it is important you know I read it, that I feel for you, and that I also hate Craig. That dick.

  4. I have to give you some major props here. Your non-reaction to your husbands accidental sending of head shots deserves a bravo in my book. I can only imagine that in most cases the husband would have been torn a new one for such a mistake. This says a lot about you in my book and also about the place you are at when it comes to your sexual adventures.

    Speaking of which, sorry this one didn’t pan out…. better to know up front though before so much time and energy was put into it.

    Lastly, I want to thank you for even sharing something like this. B and I have spoke often about entering into the swinging world or even just bringing another man or woman into our bedroom and even though its all talk and we haven’t actually taken the next step of posting ads, etc… Reading stuff like this, gives us a lot of food for thought and allows us to learn from you. So thank you, thank you, thank you Sexy G!

    xoxo

    • Oh you are so very welcome!! It is such a compliment to know that what I have written about my experiences can show others how beautiful, crazy, funny, and amazing it can be. There are not a lot of newbies with blogs that can show you it isn’t always perfect and it is hard work finding the right people…but having said that, I’ve got another post coming tonight to update on the craigslist thing.

      • I’m looking forward to reading it. I’m curious and of course you don’t have to answer but have you ever tried any other websites, like SLS for instance?

  5. A coupla thoughts:
    1) yikes! Sucks to be outed that way
    2) tell D to create a special photo album/folder on the computer and ONLY those ones get used next/each time. Naturally you need to double check the photos you put in that folder.
    3) is it the childhood trauma that is holding you back? She may well have changed a lot since you knew her way back when. But it’s your call naturally.
    4) take comfort in that she has also revealed herself to you, so at least you have mutual dirt on eachother if she even thinks about gossiping about you.
    5) you have great tits.

    ~ NERO

    • Usually we send face pics after we’ve identified that we don’t know them. He usually has the right pics to send which is why I wasn’t too mad. It was just a lapse in judgement and can’t blame the guy for popping off a few pics of sexy G right?? wink…
      #5 rules, you have a great mind!
      There really wasn’t a trauma, maybe later as my mom explained why we didn’t play, but we thought she was fucking weird anyway. Just not the type of person I want to spend time with, I’m really picky.

  6. I like Nero’s album idea – good thinking.

    The interesting thing is, if you had not sent her a head shot, would you have known who she was before you met up in a bar somewhere? At least you now have the easy out of ‘Ewwww, I couldn’t possibly do it with anybody that I’ve been friends with for ever!’

    Or…she was obviously more highly sexual than you were at that age…maybe she is still a load of fun in bed? Her partner, too.

    • Nick you are always my voice of reason, babe. You are such a great friend!

      I wouldn’t have met up without getting face pics from them. I’m like that, vain, or whatever. I have to know I’m going to want to look at them while I drink….I know, bad.

      And your last paragraph, though I sort of cringe at the thought of her naked, (right-o she isn’t Barbie) maybe you are semi-right about her sexual prowess. And having a partner that has to keep up.

  7. Ugh. Creeps give me the creeps. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Hugs to you!

  8. Ahhhh…good ole Craig and his list. Austin is a VERY active city for that particular section. I have no further comment about that. 😛

    • I bet your comments could include what you’ve done in the past, who’s to say how far in your past it was…

      I really need to visit my friends in Austin, I have three different people to visit with not including you 😉

  9. It’s weird…this tug between needing to be anonomous and then in many ways, not really wanting to be. I recently “enrolled” in a new site and I feel like sending each new candidate links to my blogs. I have done that already and so far, so good. I cannot decide if I am ready to be totally honest about who I am to real, 3D (erect?) people. The idea of running into anyone I already know there is horrifying.

    It’s quite a fucking journey, that’s for sure!

    Bises,
    Dawn

    • For sure!! I do feel like if I merged this life and my real life I would feel good about it, but I avoid talking about my blog because I want the license to write about them in the future without the fear of them misinterpreting.
      I also have a few items on my bucket list that I’d be embarrassed about if people I know read it (sex for money or jewelry for instance).

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