filled and fooled

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One year ago today…

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It’s my 1 year blogging anniversary! I made it a year!  Woohoo!

So, one year ago today I published my first blog post.  It was a simple selfie pic, taken in my kitchen, my tits spilled out of a too-small black “sports bra”.  The camera was held tilted up to capture the magnitude of my creamy, heavy, full (of breastmilk) breasts.  I loved the attention I received in comments, but I also felt a mix of regret and shame the next day.

It made sense that those feelings would come after the high of feeling sexy wore off, I had taken the step of putting my body out there for the world to see, things are forever on the internet.  I wasn’t a girl who did that kind of thing.  I have young children, I’m innocent. *grins*  Over the next few months I learned to quiet my negative thoughts, and relish in the rush of being vulnerable to further regret and shame–in the form of possible negative comments about my weight or imperfections, or the possibility that I might be discovered by someone I know in “real life”.  It is a weird emotion to feel, I think best described as erotic humiliation with a side of exhibitionism.

I enjoy the compliments, too.

But there is so much more to gain than a fleeting burst of euphoria when I share my self-portraits; perhaps by this time next year I’ll learn to work with light instead of cropping and filters to hide my flaws play up my assets.  I think I can be more creative with the depth of my images.  Perhaps even a story can emerge from some serendipitous dance of light I’m lucky enough to capture.  I strive to have the blog’s gallery full of tasteful, erotic, and artistic images by this time next year.

A few days after my first post was published I started blogging about the direction my sexual life was going in, and how filledandfooled might help me express my fantasies without being tempted to actualize them (without my husband).  At that point in time I wasn’t being fully honest with my husband about men I was sexually (but not physically) engaged with and having secrets made me feel sexy and free.  Writing has helped me release some of my steam, I have saved more drafts than I have published posts so I still get my “secrets” in the form of a safe space to drop my thoughts, rather than dropping an hour on chatting with someone.  A year later I am feeling so much better being free from the weight of keeping secrets, I feel more in control of my sexuality and life, and I am much more secure in my partnership with my husband.

Still, baby steps…

During that first week of blogging, after feeling the highs and lows of a photo post, I really began stepping out of my comfort zone: my first attempt at erotic writing.  It was a post about masturbation.  With one post I realized I didn’t need to be embarrassed to discuss such intimate details.  I got some feedback via comments that I was doing a great job turning people on with my little blog.  I imagined tens of thousa, wait maybe around ten, men and woman dropping the post into their virtual spank bank.  The thought of me stimulating myself into a bucking orgasm, pulling a reader’s trigger and wasting their people juice. The cyclical vision of us all masturbating to one another that day gave me a orgasm so strong my toes tingled and my pussy quivered as I prepared dinner.  Memorable day…

Despite the time spent cumming that afternoon, I was also able to publish this fantasy.  It is so clear that I was thinking about sex day and night at this point *giggle*.  I posted this other fantasy a couple days later, which I like a bit better.  I really should revisit these stories and continue the fun fantasies.

After my first month of blogging I quit for a time, making all my posts private.  I knew I was hooked on the community when I brushed aside the reasoning for quitting and came back.  I also had some really good fucking experiences I needed to share.  My first one is here.

While I’m not as prolific or passionate as I was at the beginning of this blog, I have changed.  I have improved. I have grown.  Year 2 is more creative expression and sexual education, less inner growth and intimate relations.

I wish I had some way to thank you, readers.  People who comment and/or click “like”–other bloggers–I thank you from the bottom of my heart on this 1 year anniversary.  Your support and encouragement has meant the world to me.  I love you… 😀

Year 2!!

50 thoughts on “One year ago today…

  1. Congrats – I must have missed the blog about you masturbating; I think I would have enjoyed that one (wink, wink). I think you’re adorable and you write blogs that I find quite interesting so here’s wishing you many more happy years of writing… and showing us your boobs… and sharing parts of your life with us!

    • kdaddy, let me know if you liked the masturbation post (wink, wink).
      Thank you so much for your compliments, insightful comments, and your own blog, which has helped me really logically think about bisexuality (and many other things).
      To many more years of blogging for both of us! *air cheers*

  2. Marvelous! I love your blog, don’t stop!

    • Nero, I don’t think I can stop at this point! I think I love all of you! Your naughty blog as certainly given me plenty of ideas, and I love the underlying story of your sexual relationship with your wife. xoxo

  3. Wow! It’s been a year already.
    You have grown so much and I am do happy to be part of your journey.
    Congratulations girlie… Now let’s make #2 goal come true and let’s meet soon. 🙂
    xoxox

    • Time flies when you are having fun, right? MariMar, you sweet lovely woman. I had to refrain from specifically mentioning other people in my blog, who have helped me along this past year, but I hope you know just how much I value you. You are a ray of beautiful warm light in my life, and I hope we do get to meet this year (you know I was thinking of you a few times when I wrote this post)!

  4. happy 2nd year blogging girl, hehe. may i suggest something? leave sexual education aside, don’t fall into the didactic temptation that collides mortally with creativity 😉 be creative – especially with photos – that’s what the internet needs. plenty of teachers around already. hugs, ciao!

    • Thank you! I love your suggestion to put creativity above all else. I think as an artist yourself you will understand the pressure we put on ourselves to produce perfection, that contributes to avoidance, and for some like me, a creative block.
      :/
      Sexual education in this sense means I’m going to keep fucking– doing threesomes and foursomes and whatever else I want to try– I’ll be getting a sexual education. Maybe in year 3 or 4 I will try to educate others, I’m too selfish and uneducated to do that right now. 😉

      • hehe, have fun then 😉
        as to me – no, i’m not an artist, in the least, but thanx; and no, i don’t seek perfection but fun & emotion, perfectionism is not one of my strongest points, on the contrary 🙂 but thanx again! ciao girl!

  5. Happy blogiversary! Glad I stumbled upon you. 🙂

    • Cara, I’m so glad that you stumbled upon me too. I feel like I relate to you in so many ways; that vibrant interest in exploring, innocence, need for control over life…. I envy your talent in layering words and I hope for many good experiences in your path so I can read about them later! 🙂

  6. Congrats on turning a year one! I hope someday I grow up to be like you & some of the other popular sex bloggers. And I can so relate to “secrets” so many as I have gotten older. Oh my!

    • Hugs! You make me blush, and I love it! Kiss kiss kiss! You can be like me because you already are. We are just people, just fucking l-i-v-i-n-g and breathing and fucking and talking about it. Spank you very much though, giggle. Thank you 🙂

  7. What a great first year! Here is looking at a second and more! Congrats.

    • Do you know I just love it when you visit me!? I feel so flattered, and I remember back to you leaving me one of my first comments. Thank you so much for your encouragement, giving me a chance, all that and more. xoxo

  8. Happy Birthday! Now, make a wish! xo

    • A sexy wish or a regular “win a million dollars” wish? Hehe. I am closing my eyes and making one right now…ahhh thank you!
      Thank you for sharing your personal journey through your blog; I know I haven’t been a long time reader but your writing makes me feel like I know you intimately. For that I’m so glad. xoxo

  9. Happy blogiversary! I love everything you post. 🙂

    • Anisa, you are so sweet. You make me smile! Thank you so much, I love the term blogiversary! And I love you, l think we have quite a few things in common, I always relate to what you post and this journey you are on in your life. 🙂

  10. Congrats! It has been enjoyable reading your blog. I look forward to year 2.

    • Thank you secondchance! I’ll have to get caught up on your blog soon, but I know who you are (well, within the boundaries of wordpress) and I wish you the best as you mend yourself and your relationship. Thank you for your encouragement!

      • Thank you G. I am on the right road to recovery. You may know more of me (or at least who I was and I don’t deny any of it) than I do of you. It feels good to get everything out and I’m not afraid to write about it. I want to thank you for your words of encouragement as well. Look forward to writing and reading more.

  11. Here’s to many more, Sweetheart! Congrats!
    🙂

  12. Happy blogiversary! I’m glad I found your blog and look forward to reading more 🙂

    • I’m glad you found my blog too, a visit from you always excites me. I only wish we lived closer to your coast, I think we could all have a very good time. I hear you are worth at least 820, right?

    • Cheers!!
      I want to thank you for a few things here, if I can. I wanted to mention you in the post but then I got so wordy (“baby steps” was for you)…I really credit you for a lot of internal growth, and relationship strengthening between husband and I. And I see you as an example of a woman in control of her life but also having such a good balance in your marriage. I also see you as an educator, an experienced sexy (young) woman, and a lustful lady I’d love to see in action. I’m glad to have found your blog, I’m better for it. 🙂

      • You are far too kind in my regard, there was no need to mention me, this was your entry and your anniversary – for which I am grateful to have read – but thank you.

  13. Congrats and many more happy returns! 🙂

  14. Congrats G!!! Lets see what the next year brings! xxx

  15. Congratulations! Blogging is a lot like pimping … it isn’t easy and you seem to have both mastered! 🙂

  16. ‘I have great tits’, what a great title for your first post ♡ but an always enjoyable reading on your site so keep those posts coming and if titties happens to be attached to the post, no worries here 🙂

    • Haha I know, I think I was trying to make a bold statement for my entry into blogland.

      What you said is really nice, just what I wanted to hear really. That my thoughts are important and my tits are a bonus. Thank you so much!

  17. I have just discovered your blog. I love it! Although it is distracting me from getting any work done this morning. And can I say how lucky you are, to have the husband and relationship you have. I envy and admire you. I’ll be reading more.

    • Oh my, hugs new friend! Hello! I know I follow you on twitter, but I don’t think I knew you had a blog! I must be missing out. Look at that gravatar image, wow, legs for days!
      Thank you for your wonderful comment. I am lucky to have this life, I am thankful every day. Of course I’m the kind of person who always thinks something needs improvement, I’m a harsh critic of myself mostly, but hubby does get slammed from time to time…. But comments like this always help hush the critic a little more, so I thank you! Muah!!!

  18. Happy Blogoversary, G!
    Here’s to the future: may it be filled with happiness, great posts and many mind-shattering orgasms….

  19. Pingback: Friday October 4th is Boobday!! (o)(o) | filled and fooled

  20. Pingback: MM: I like rough sex and spaghetti squash | filled and fooled

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