filled and fooled


TMI Tuesday – June 25th – Sex Ed



I feel the need to type more than necessary today.  If you just want to get to the gritty of this week’s TMI Tuesday post, skip down to the bold text.

When I started blogging I knew that I was innocent and naive to many things sex-related.  I actively avoided learning about certain kinks, certain lifestyles, certain physiological happenings.  I preferred to portray the innocent yet sexy version of G, the good wife, the good mommy,  a secret sexy shared with very few.   Yes, I do have a bi husband, and I do love to fuck other men.  That is where it stops, I don’t cheat, I’m not a hotwife, and this isn’t a cuckhold relationship.

A few months back I felt like the need to stay innocent was keeping me from exploring some possibly enjoyable experiences.  It spurred the need to read more blogs with a BDSM theme.  It has spurred the need to make that girl on girl experience happen in real life.  I want to see how my body reacts to new things, but I am still really scared.

Last week I posted this chart, which explained all sorts of non-monogamous labels for relationships.  I was making a small effort to educate myself on where my husband and I fell in the non-monogamy world.  We talked and figured out we don’t even fit on that chart.  Why do I need a label anyway?  We are special, I know that much.

Then I posted about how I wish I was bisexual.  And it isn’t that I really wish I was different or bisexual, it’s that I know I’m not comfortable with intimacy with other females as much as I am with men, and I am curious about whether just trying pussy will make that go away.  Like really trying it, not just tasting it on him.  For women it seems so common (at least in our circles) to play with other women.  I want to fit in…

Always this struggle to change to fit into one certain mold, even though I should feel proud I can mingle among many.  Always this worry that the mold was broken when I was made.  I know life would feel so much better if I just accepted me for me, us for us.  One step at a time…

June is Adult Sex Ed Month (twitter: #AdultSexEdMonth). The movement was started by blogger @GoodDirtyWoman on twitter. Please read more here:

This week’s TMI Tuesday questions were inspired by Sex-Ed writer Jon Pressick and his #dailysexdiscussion that happens on twitter.

1. Have you ever investigated having an open relationship?
– Have you tried to have an open relationship?

So first question right off the bat, hits a semi-sore spot.  Yes, we have an open relationship in the sense that we have threesomes with other men, without love (open according to this chart).  But, we don’t have sex without the other one present.  We don’t feel open and free to explore with other people.  When I posted that I think our relationship most closely resembles an open relationship based on the chart, my husband was quick to point out that it made me sound free to date or something.  No that is not the case.

2. Do you have any sexual phobias?
– What have you done to manage or overcome them?

I didn’t think I had any phobias.  Maybe not fitting in a certain crowd?  Overcome that by avoiding that situation?  I really don’t fear anything when it comes to sexual exploration.  Do I think I can freely ask for things, no, but I don’t fear them if offered.

3. What is the best new sexual activity you have tried in 2013?

Something new huh?  I guess I’ve gotten more experimental when I have the rare occasion of fucking myself, but I don’t know of anything new my husband and I have tried.  Perhaps when he reads this he can let me know and I’ll edit.

4. Have you ever called into a sex advice radio/television show or written to a sex advice columnist?
– Was it helpful?

No, I never thought I had any reason to.  But I love listening and reading this kind of stuff.

5. Would you use the services of a sex therapist? Why or why not?

Yes, I would see a therapist who specializes in sexual aspects of a relationship, specifically non-traditional relationships (I happen to know of one in my area).  Maybe I need to look into this further as a career for myself because of my lack of hangups talking about sex.  I would love to help other couples overcome sexual problems because it really does seem to affect the rest of the relationship.

Also, I’ve used several bloggers as my personal sex therapists.  I think we have professionals among us

6. Should sex therapists be allowed to engage in actual sexual activities with clients? Why or why not?

Yes, though I know very little about this and I’m going to check out the movie suggested below, I do know that sometimes the easiest way to describe an act is to show it being done.  I also feel like there should be people out there (who want to do this) who help people achieve fantasies that they are dwelling on in a safe and discrete manner.  Sex workers should be called sex therapists in some cases (I imagine).

Overall, since sex is so important to us as a society, yet something we feel we need to keep hidden from our peers and family in most cases, it seems like we have a long way to go before sex therapy in the way of engaging in sexual activities is accepted.

I highly recommend watching the movie “The Sessions” based on a true story of how a sex therapist helped a disabled man live a full, rich life that included sex. Movie trailer:

Bonus:  Have you read any adult sex ed books lately

No, and I never have so does anyone have any recommendations?  Bonus points if I can read it in public.

23 thoughts on “TMI Tuesday – June 25th – Sex Ed

  1. First, it is awesome that you are questioning and analyzing your thoughts, pushing boundaries, and growing sexually. However, it is most important that you do it for you–because you want it and not to ‘fit in’. You know this already, I’m merely repeating it for emphasis.

    I found in the ‘swinger’ world that is was sort of expected for women to play with women but that many of them (that I met) did not particularly desire that sort of play. They did it to please a partner or ‘fit in’.

    Also, when it comes to playing with women if that is something you truly want to try just do what you are comfortable with. You don’t have to perform cunnilingus to be sexual with a woman. There is an entire beautiful female body to play with.

    As for labels…yeah, do away with those. Sometimes they can be helpful in figuring things out about ourselves and relationships but there are no hard and fast rules. I have a link in my bonus question, on today’s TMI Tuesday, that I think will interest you.

    Now on to your TMI Tuesday answers 🙂

    1. I know several swinging couples that only play with both spouses present even if the sex opportunity involves just one of the couple. This arrangement is common.

    Bonus: Oh yes, I have recommendations for you. See my bonus answer.


    • Thank you so much H! I know I shouldn’t worry what other people are doing and focus on what I would like, what would make me feel most alive and happy. I know I shouldn’t strive to “fit in” but I fight every day just to do that…damn I make my life more difficult than it should be sometimes…
      I would say more but I fear it could be misinterpreted by my husband when he reads it. But please note I’m really thankful that you said all these things. xoxo

  2. i feel ya, if i were bisexual or gay…well, let’s just say i wouldn’t be blogging anymore, i’d be doing other things. that chart is like Othello, a minute to learn, a lifetime to master…

    • Yeah, my husband would probably let me play with another girl while he was at work (if the kids weren’t here), so I wouldn’t be blogging as much if I was getting it on with her.
      I agree, the chart was a bit scary at first, then I realized there was a lot I wasn’t going to master…and I’m fine with that.

  3. Why try to fit a mold or fit into a category…. I can only speak for myself, but I enjoy what you write. If there were 4 or 5 Pablo Picasso’s, would the world of art be the same. Celebrate the unique ‘you’ that you are.

    Other than wishing I live close enough to be a 3, I see no reason for change…. 🙂

  4. I always feel sort of like an alien around here as well…I’ve never done LOADS of stuff that other people do, but it’s fascinating to learn about different sexualities other than my own and it does make me feel like pushing my own limits a bit. (wow-that was a long sentence!)


  5. Your writing is always so thoughtful and thought-provoking. An award for you.

  6. Pingback: TMI Tuesday: Sex Talk & Sex Ed - A Good Woman's Dirty Mind | A Good Woman's Dirty Mind

  7. It’s corny but its true: you have to be true to yourself. If that means you don’t want to gangbang the local football team anally, but don’t mind a finger up the butt, then so be it. You can (and should) only do what you’re comfortable with. I think you need to give yourself some credit for having an enquiring sexual mind – you think about what you want and aren’t afraid to pursue it. You may choose to NOT do something, but at least you’ve evaluated it and not dismissed it out of hand.

    • Haha! Thank you, I guess you are right, I should give myself more credit for the level of openness and adventurous curiosity I currently have. Hmmm…thank you!!

  8. Several times I have read what you have written, from TMI posts to Erotic True Stories and really chewed on them and compared them to own life. “How can I relate or build upon this for myself?” -is a question that rolls around in my head while visiting your blog. It seems that you have similar interactions when you go-a-visiting… and we both seem to struggle. Lately I’ve been really wondering to myself who the hell I am. I’ve no clue, but the fact that there IS a struggle is somewhat important… hopefully it’s an indication that we aren’t giving up and it is something in which we need to dig deeper to really know who we are; as individuals and as partners, couples, triads, etc. I know a struggle feels like hell, but that’s how we learn. Good luck!

    • Yes, you know my struggle. I guess I work hard to keep it inside and then it bubbles out on the blog for a few days every few months.

      And you are right, the fact that there IS a struggle is important, it is evolution I suppose.

      • I get bubbles too. Perhaps the best of us do. And what better place to over flow than a blog? A place where the crowd can be, and often is, just like you. Same struggles.

        I try to keep those bubbles in…but eventually I’m foaming at the mouth.

  9. Great post! I like that you are willing to try a woman to see if it makes your disinterest go away. The other commenters said it already – don’t do it to fit in. (I feel the same way; totally not interested in pussy, wiling to give it a go, then decide for sure.)

    • Damn, I did miss a reply. Sometimes when I’m laying in bed I think about the blog, and comments I receive, and my response. I kept thinking about your comment and I couldn’t remember what I replied. I had to go back to check….and yup I missed the reply.

      Thank you! Haha, now I can’t think of what I want to say. So just thank you.

  10. Pingback: 2013′s last TMI Tuesday post | filled and fooled

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