So today’s questions, for anyone who cares to provide their take on them is, “Why haven’t you been able to pull the trigger [on being with another woman] and why aren’t you aroused [by the thought]?”
Kdaddy23’s “How Do You Feel?” post yesterday asked how his readers feel about bisexuality. And I happen to know a bisexual personally and love him very much. So I answered Kdaddy’s questions quickly. To read the post and the comments click here. I thought my indifference, and lack of excitement about my husband being bi was a good thing. I love him no matter what. But my comments about my own sexuality brought up a few more questions for Kdaddy, so he wrote another post called “Dangling on the Edge”. My answer was getting really long so I thought I’d move my text over to a post here.
I think I needed to be prompted like this in order to work through some issues that have been keeping my husband and I in sort of an endless cycle of discussion over being with another woman. I want it then I don’t want it, I really want it and then I really don’t want it. With these answers I’m getting closer to understanding the “why’s” of my confused feelings over being with a woman. (Note: this is an entirely different issue than husband-sharing but I think a threesome is more likely if I’m into being with the girl so it gets us closer to figuring out those boundaries).
Because I said “I love the idea of being bisexual myself, but I have never truly been able to imagine pulling the trigger, picking up a girl, or letting her pick me up. I’ve flirted… I have kissed another girl, but it didn’t make me wet. I am really barely bi-curious (I would kiss and let her go down on me).”
…why someone would want to engage in a form of sex that, for some reason, isn’t going to get them excited about doing it.
Here is my answer: Because I don’t hate the idea….I think women are beautiful and fun, I know I would probably enjoy it. Hmmm, honestly the biggest reason I wish I was bisexual is because it would make my husband so very happy. It isn’t because I feel I’m missing out on something only a woman can do to me. I’m pretty damn satisfied as it is. The second biggest reason I wish I was bisexual is that it is so common for women; I feel sort of left out that I didn’t experiment in college and I can’t say that I’ve had a girlfriend.
So I wish that I was hungry for another woman, I do.
Then Kdaddy23 said:
G’s comment makes me ask about her lack of excitement; she also makes me ask if she would go down on another woman after (or while) that woman is chowing down on her – and, no, G, you don’t have to answer these questions.
I’m reading this question very carefully, and it’s kind of turning me on. Under the influence of substances I’ve recently been able to imagine and/or fantasize about going down on a girl. So, yes I could probably go down on another girl or 69 if the time and person was right.
Why not pull it [the trigger]? What is it that makes a person get to the moment of truth and then… nothing?
I’ve been here before, in front of a girl on my knees, kissing her while she sat, maybe she was even rubbing my titties I can’t remember. But I just backed away, and got embarrassed we were being watched by our men. And I don’t really know, I didn’t know where to take it. I think she was the more experienced one, but I felt like she wasn’t really guiding me like she should have. I may have been able to do more if she had taken charge.
I think that the taboo about this, one we’re all taught to avoid at all costs, can fuck with someone’s head. Is this why G (since I’m kinda picking on her in a good way) could be necking with another girl all hot and heavy… but it’s not flipping her switch to the “on” position? And if she believes that such a thing wouldn’t turn her on, why would she do it or, even better, why would she even want to do it?
Yes, I think you sort of nailed it. It is in my nature to be okay with having sex with a woman, hell I said I’d fuck a stranger, what is the difference then? But I’ve been nurtured to believe that it is wrong in some way or too extreme, or something not for me. Even though I’m perfectly happy with others being bisexual. I’m okay with doing other taboo stuff, but maybe I do have some internal issue with it I didn’t know about. This is a hurdle I would love to jump, because I think it is such a hot point in our marriage, and possibly holding us back. Sure it is okay to not be interested in being with another woman, but I see how being wishy washy about it is confusing.
I think I could get turned on by another woman. Like I said above, I sort of feel like I haven’t met the right woman. I need to be shown the way…and maybe this is another bit of proof I’m worried about a societal factor, thinking that I was just “talked into it”, makes it seem easier to imagine doing. Interesting…and it can’t just be my husband talking me into it, She needs to woo me.
My husband was out last night and witnessed an exchanged between two females. One sitting, the other gets up to dance and whispers, “do you want to fuck me later?” I didn’t know this is what women do to hook up! I can never ever ever ever see myself doing that! But if a girl whispered to me, “I would love to fuck you tonight” I think that would feel different…in fact makes me feel a little excited right now.
So there are my answers. Sorry its so pieced together, I’m with the family today but wanted to try to get something out. Feels good. Thank you!!
UPDATE: July 10th, 2013
The past few days I felt more open to the idea of being with a woman. Last night I went for it. When I saw her picture the first time I knew it was going to be fun to be with her. She was really attractive, and her gorgeous body just enticed me to try all sorts of new things. Her sexy boyfriend helped, along with my wonderful husband.
I think I can safely call myself bi-curious now. And in the future, I am going to own up to the need for a woman’s touch. Or to touch another woman. And hopefully our new friends will be feeling that need too. No more “just going along with it” nope, I wanted it. And I will want it again.