filled and fooled

NSFW/MATURE CONTENT

Freedom of Sexpression

36 Comments

Last Friday I received a comment from a writer I very much respect and admire.  She said that I was brave (for posting my breasts for Boobday).  Had I stopped at that moment of reading the comment and looked up the actual definition of brave I probably would have been happy, maybe even proud of the distinction.  But instead I let the thoughts compound, and the fears and worries fester, and of course I went over my past actions with a fine-toothed comb and eyes of disdain. I became unhappy (and confused) with what this blog is, and what I portray as my character in this space.

I knew it was meant as a compliment, but I started wondering if showing courage by displaying my tits, means that these tits shouldn’t be shown (by some standard set forth in our society)? It made me wonder if I’m shameless or whether I am not respecting myself.  It made me worry that people were thinking about me in a negative way.  Yes, it would defy the purpose of Boobday to be ashamed that my tits deflated or sag, and to be embarrassed that my nipples are so damn big.  I’m willing to put myself out there to show other women that all types can be appreciated*.  And I enjoy the compliments, and the thrill of seeing myself on the screen.

I have kept some limits, I avoid photos that show my belly which really needs to be toned.  I avoid showing my face for anonymity purposes.  I avoid showing my pussy to keep it sacred (although I have to say it is still the prettiest pussy I’ve laid eyes on, I  love my pussy).  My body is not perfect and it never will be.  I would not ever ask for the burden of a perfect body.  Brave would to be show something I’m not proud of.

I have been a little rude, or crass, and I’ve tried to shock people with my over-sharing and sometimes slutty attitude.  This might be more evident in the comments.  I’ve not acted like a reserved proper lady by any means, but then again who said I should act that way, ever?  Though I’m a fun person in real day-to-day life, I don’t flash my tits and walk around talking about loving to give blowjobs (shut up, hubby, I’m not counting drunken conversations between bars). I try to stay a bit classy, as much as a casual California Girl is supposed to.

I’m G to a degree.  I think this blog gives me a healthy place to express certain feelings and desires without fear of my real life reputation as a mommy and whatever else I might be getting tarnished.  I know a lot of people have these secret sides to them, and I sometimes wish we could all just talk openly about our fantasies and what works for us in the bedroom…I’m picturing the best play date where the kids play happily while the moms share tips and tricks and orgasm stories.

I do need to embrace the fact that I’m not cut from the normal mommy cookie cutter.  I do like a little spice in my day (in addition to my night) and my kids are probably happier because I’m happier when I’m getting those needs expressed.  So I need to be proud of my “bravery” in showing my non-playboy-type body here, and for sharing my experiences that some will never have the courage to try.  I will stop worrying about my image or the character I portray, while at the same time I realize I need take the blatant sort of creepy things I might say (that might make other people cringe) down a notch or two.   I really don’t want to make someone uncomfortable, no matter how casual I am about sex.

But for the record:

It’s okay, please jerk off to my pics, and you can even tell me you did, I like it.  I can’t be there with you in real life but you can look at my blog and pretend I am.  When you read about my real experiences with fucking two men and it makes you horny, please take care of your orgasm needs! When I actually post my fantasies, if I write well enough that you can picture yourself being in the story then my job is done, now you go ahead and take care of that aching clit, or that springing erection (even if your secretary might walk in on you) or maybe even just fan away that warm feeling until you can be alone with your thoughts of me.  I’m not going to engage in any on-going chats about it, but feel free to let me know if something I say or do works for you.

I am very happy to help, really.  Love,

G

*Sure, in real life when I’m posing for a photo next to a playboy model (as I have on several occasions), I feel a tiny bit of shame that I don’t really know what my “good side” is that day, I almost feel ashamed that I don’t care if my hair is perfect, or if my makeup needs to be retouched, and that compared to her I’m fat…  I can’t control those photos, I can’t have them take ten and let me choose one.   All I can do is smile and know that I’m not going to worry about how the photo comes out as much as her. That freedom actually feels really good.  It allows me to focus on my actions, on other people’s needs and to be attentive to the conversation, rather than to my fly-a-ways and fading lipstick.

36 thoughts on “Freedom of Sexpression

  1. Reblogged this on filledandfooled and commented:

    So I accidentally published my notes for this post this morning, because I was using the stupid droid app for WordPress, which makes updating drafts easier but that is the only thing it is good for. Anyway, I wanted to Reblog this to let you know that I revised the post and actually wrote more than notes. Hoping it shows in your reader.

  2. I’ve thought about this too, I like to think that Betty is my sassy alter-ego. I don’t usually put my pussy on display in public settings, although it has been known to happen. In the “real” world I’m a pretty normal fun, sassy mama; I’m still the crass one that shocks all the other mommies with the comments I make. Haha. But not to the extreme that I do here, I love being Betty, because she is still part of who I am. I agree I enjoy the attention I get on my blog for my jerk off qualities. I doubt that many of the men that openly say it on here would admit it in real life, so it goes both ways. But I don’t mind if men tell me in real life either. 😀

    Flaunt those bad boys, it makes all your followers uber happy, and no one in these parts is judging you girlie.

    • Thank you Betty!! I usually get wrapped up in how reserved I can be in real life as opposed to here, this time I was wrapped up in whether I was going too far even here…need to give myself a little break but I’m a worrier I guess. Heh.
      I guess there are times, alcohol usually involved, where G and the real me collide and I’m usually pretty happy about letting that side show. Then I get shy again.

  3. I hope that the results of a Friday Boobday never make anyone feel uncomfortable or the victim of some morons uncomfortable comments. While I am not the type that would ask for photos of anyones anatomy, I appreciate the posts and have never felt the lady degraded herself for anything posted. I know there is always a time when someone can take a post and turn it into something for which it was not intended. I will get off my soapbox, but not before I take one more glance at the page header…. marvelous. Thanks for the “G” we love….

    • Oh thank you so much for saying that Graypoet. I really appreciate it. I was overthinking, like I tend to do. Since she would have never intended to make me do that, I feel a little bad mentioning it, but I had to get it out. I’ve always had really positive feedback. But I also wonder if the unsaid comments are not nice… gotta get over it.

  4. A writer who cares – though my advice might never put you at peace or keep you from looking at yourself to harshly, oh those long years ago when I started blogging I realized two things that have remained a constant and help me keep blogging and enjoying it:

    people will project onto you (so someone thinking you were brave probably had more to do with their inability to do what you did) and that once it is out there in words it is no longer yours. Meaning no two people are going to read it and take it the same way, we no longer have full control, because we all agree we like G but she will be many different things to many different people.

    A great sincere entry. Well done G

    • This was really nice to read. Especially considering that you are right, G will be different things to different people. All I can do is be true to myself and live by my own rules.
      Thank you so much!!

  5. Dear G,
    I Love your Blog! I Love that what I’m reading is you, and your thoughts. If someone takes offense, I would encourage you not to personalize thier ignorance. You CLEARY indicate your site is for Mature Adults. I Admire your out going personality, and of course respect that somethings are best left to the imagination. As a woman quite frankly I think you have Amazing Breasts. Please Don’t Sensor your writings due to someone’s ignorance. My preference’s are raw and gritty that really works for me.
    Your Friend,
    Anastasia

    • Thank you so much Anastasia!! It really makes me happy to read this. So many nice things said. I really am just projecting my fears onto something that was said in total innocence and positive light. I just get in these self-doubting moods and I let it go on the blog, because well, there isn’t a place for that in my real life.

      I read all these great blogs and I want to be all of them, even though they are all so different. I want what basically I can’t ever have. Maybe I can…
      Raw and gritty. I like that. I read the term “explicita” which to me seems like the marriage of erotica and smut. I like to think I fall right in between those two myself, well here on this blog. I’m glad that kind of writing works for other women too. Thank you my friend, hugs and kisses!!

  6. I know I’ve said this before, but I gotta say it again: your tits are so damn hot! 🙂

    • You are making me feel damn hot, right now, Z. I like that kind of encouragement, like I said…I loved when you said your husband and you liked the Boobday posts, hoping I was one that you liked.

      • Oh, you are totally the one who started that jerk off session! (did I not tell you that already?) We went online cuz I wanted to show him YOUR boobs, and that got us all hot and bothered, so we kept perusing the Boobday archives 🙂

        • NO! You didn’t tell me that!! Thank you for making my night, I was all in a tizzy about something but you just calmed me right down with that. Mmmm, endorphins…you know I’m going to have to think about you two looking at my boobs while jerking off, and I’m going to have to rub one out too! Yaya, thank you!

  7. I don’t think you need to take anything down a notch. Your readers are here because they like your writing – good, bad, whatever – and to see your pics. 😉 I know I do! While many of our blogs are anon, it doesn’t discount the ovaries (and/or balls) that it takes to write a blog, to write stories, to LET people inside. To me that’s what I respect out of every blog I follow – each blogger is letting me into their homes, and you know what – I’m going to respect their house.

    • Thank you, gosh you are so sweet and you make a great point. I’m probably never going to get negative feedback here, if I do I can moderate it. I NEED to stop imagining what people must *really* think and just decide, do I want to be naughty G or do I want to give up and go back to boring mommy and unhappy G. Hmmm…

      I really like the ovaries line, that was great. You are the best! xoxoxo Sometimes I just wonder if I’m living in blissful ignorance.

  8. Just handle your bizness, show the twins if you want, and if anyone objects, tell them to get their own blog…

  9. ok lets see were do i start ok i guess with the cheesy sounding complement (although it is sincere) when shooting your pictures they are never going too get your truley good side because as far as i can tell your best5 side comes out in your personality and outlook on life i havnt been reading your stuff for to long biut as far as i can tell…….pure gold.ok sorry if i sounded like a frat boy tryin to woo you in a drunken stuper. i love to read your stories with the old lady they always seem to get us going although with me a stiff breeze will do that hopefully forever as i am getting old(age not maturity) but your writing is definitly a turn on. As far as going to far who the fuck cares its not like your invading their space and forcing them to read if you dont like whats on t.v change the channel you dont like what G writes f off and go to disney.com or sum where else and brave sure you are take ummmm rosa parks where she bsat on the bus made people uncomfortable but sum one had to do it. or we as people wpould never evolove. ok im done because i aint very bright. so what do i know EXCEPT I LIKE G’S BOOBIES for gods sake let em be seen(national anthem playing in back ground)because thats your choice and this is a free country so let em fly

    • No you are very bright. You make a lot of good points here. And of course the compliment you started with made me really happy, and warm, and you know, feel good. I LOVE that you and your lady read this together, and I get you going. Do you know what a compliment that is to me, that I can get a couple to do it? Hells yes! Justin, dude, give your lady a kiss for me, and take this nice hug! You make me laugh, thank you so much!

  10. wow im not much of a speller either

  11. awww shucks …thanx

  12. “I’m picturing the best play date where the kids play happily while the moms share tips and tricks and orgasm stories.”
    I really wished we lived in the same area because that is what we would be doing. Love you girl, love this blog. You do great work here, G. xxx

  13. I’m sorry my off-the-cuff comment cause any worry to seep into your beautiful head. As I’m sure you know, that wasn’t the intent. However, I stand by what I said. To me, you are very brave to put yourself out there like that. You are giving so much of yourself to your readers. And not just via your pictures. You see… I was doing that too. In my own, non-nipple baring way. (you have awesome nips by the way) But then I got scared. So I scurried back into my shelter. : )

    • No please don’t apologize! I’m so glad you read this and I could respond right away. Thank you for saying that I am brave, it was a compliment I’m sure (and thank you for the nips compliment)!! I was/am having a lot of trouble expressing myself lately here, it came out wrong I feel. Especially when Hy’s post comes along and really explains that we all just have different boundaries and that is okay.

      I actually admire you for keeping your body to the imagination. Your readers are intelligent people, they can fill in those blanks with ease, I’m sure. Of course we would all love it if you shared, I don’t think you would have any problem with people making you glad you did with the compliments and praise we will bestow upon you.

      Anyway, I never thought you had any intent other than to give me props for stepping outside of a comfort zone that you don’t feel like leaving at this point. And that is MORE than okay.

      I am a curvy woman, and I try to avoid that topic most of the time. I think I questioned whether I should show myself as more of a “am I too fat to show this?” sensitive pms-y personalization thing, rather than “is this demeaning me in any way?” The first thought shows a side of me I don’t want to show, and the second thought is something worth consideration.

      • My two cents… if you’re gonna post. Post the bestest ones. The most flattering ones. The ones that make YOU feel like a million bucks. : )

        • Good advice, I’m sure this applies to writing as well! Actually this is such good advice, I never really thought of it that way before. Oh my, but this means I’m going to be up all night taking pictures of my boobs. 🙂

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