filled and fooled


How To Improve Your Erotica Writing


Don’t laugh!  I’m not going to be explaining this really, I just wanted to interest you with my title.  As much as  I want to write a good great how-to post (linked is my favorite how-to post of all time) I’m certainly not there yet.

Think G, what are you really good at?!?

Right, I’m just on week three of the 12 week writing challenge. That is what this post is really about.  A lot of words, none particularly sexual and no boob pics, if I have you still reading by the end I owe you a prize!

Today is the start to my fourth week I believe.  But this post is dedicated to week three’s task of:

3. Read one book devoted to improving the craft of writing like Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird or Georgia Heard’s Writing Toward Home, and commit to trying (3) exercises. Write about your experience.

I wanted this week to be a fun one, and specifically I wanted to read a book about writing erotica.  Flipping through my Kindle app I didn’t find many.  The one that jumped out at me, at such an affordable price of $.99 was, “Improve your erotica: A beginner’s guide to writing better smut.” By Ruby Kiddell.

I quickly purchased the book and did a little reading about the author on her blog, The Erotic Notebook.  Yes, she is that author and the founder of Eroticon, so I consider her an expert on the topic of writing about sex.   She writes books about writing, she writes erotic stories, she even posts erotic photos of herself on her blog!  My idol!   She is fully exposed, face and all, and yet she writes so intimately, without shyness.  She writes fantastically, evoking an array of emotions, for a very wide audience.

You might have noticed that writing erotica became an exhausting chore for me after my blog was found by my husband.  Not because of him, but because of all the future conversations I thought I would have to have, the hurt feelings to wade through (I think his feelings are hurt still but he is a great man, and wants me to do something that makes me happy) because I was thinking about another man or woman or situation that he couldn’t provide or be part of.  But what I could always do to keep readers coming back was post photos of myself, that he always approved of.

Now, I realize exposing that part of me is important, the photos of the curves or the extremely cropped photos, either way, you know I’m as real as your wife, your best friend, your neighbor, your coworker.  I’m a real woman with real woman needs.  If I can comfortably show you my body in the same post that I describe every detail of how I was fucked by two men on Saturday night, it is a good feeling of vulnerability and pride, and it is truth.  And it is what I came here and started this blog for, and what I should continue for.

Over the past few days I’ve delved into why writing has been so difficult for me, besides the internal struggle of how my husband will react, and besides the fact that I never took English beyond the required classes and didn’t do too well in each class.  If I was to visualize my mental state the past month, or perhaps beyond it would look sort of like this:


I’m about to EXPLODE! And not in a good orgasmic way.

I really just did not have the mental/emotional capacity to be creative.  It wasn’t always this way, so what else happened?

I was asked a question during a rare conversation (kids=no conversations that are not relevant to kids) that led me to question what makes me happy, what makes me feel good about myself, and what makes me feel like I’ve rested (besides sleeping.)  This time I wasn’t going to include family in my answers, I think we all know that I get a lot of great family time.  In searching my mind for answers, the real predominant answer was that I just wanted to be left the fuck alone.   Which is a pretty shitty attitude to have when all people are doing is trying to enhance my life.  They aren’t asking me for things, or my time, or the limited mental energy I had.  But still, I needed solitude.

Being at home full time with the kids, solitude was a thing of the past.  Or is it?  Really, the ball is in my court, I don’t need to fall victim to this attitude like nothing will change until they get to high school.  I am in charge here!  So, I started with doing a pedicure in my living room, yes while the kids were awake and swarming around me.  They wanted to dip their feet in too, oh well, as long as they know this is for me.  I repeated myself several times, “I want to do this for myself guys, just give me some time and space and I will be ready to play with you again soon.”  It worked, and I could now check “having pretty feet” off on my non-existent to-do list.  It taught me something really important.  My stress was compounding.  My need for solitude was just merely a need to stop spinning out of control, calm the world around me, and catch up on life.

Long story short, I’m feeling better.  After a series of  “I’m doing this and you are going to let me” situations I think we are all feeling better.  As the mental energy replenishes I smile more, I feel sexier, I want to get fucked more.   Things like spilled milk don’t break me down, I deal.  During my usual Friday-night-feel-sorry-for-myself-because-I’m-alone time I went back and read old posts, I even turned myself on when I read my first real post.  I had the most amazing masturbation session I’ve had in a long time, because of my writing.  Self-love all around!

And this has NOTHING to do with Ruby Kiddell, her blog or her book!

Her blog taught me that there are no rules, just that we be confident in what we produce.  Maybe it wasn’t her blog that taught me that, but I sure enjoyed reading it.  This is the blog I probably should read when I get time, Write Sex Right.  I need to explore the topic of sex more, not just in the sense of getting turned on/fucking/cumming.

But lets get back to the book I read for this week’s task.  It was really really short. In fact I read it in less than ten minutes.  In fact this post probably will end up with more words, though it won’t be as informative as her book. It would be a great book for someone who wants to write an erotic story for the first time.  I had gleaned all her tips off my favorite blogs already so her information was nothing new to me.  But I would still recommend the book to anyone wanting to get started on their first erotica piece.

To wrap up this post, I won’t list three tips that I’m trying from her book because all the tips in the book are things I’m trying already.  Maybe one, I will try to study grammar a bit more when I get a chance, I know I’m a comma lover and its hard to not insert them into every, pause, in, my, thoughts.

Two more things I’m trying this week just to make up for the paragraph above:

– Write my sexual bucket list (this is going to require a lot of time and research because I want to do it with the most realistic sense possible.)

– Writing at 5:00am before the kids get up.  I’m doing it today and I really feel like I’m not going to miss the sleep because I’m being mentally invigorated.

And if you made it all the way down here your prize is: email me and I will tell/show you…bahahahawahahwa.  Not really.  Well maybe, I don’t know.

33 thoughts on “How To Improve Your Erotica Writing

  1. Can I have a prize? Lol. I’m glad that you’ve made strides for yourself that impact more than just your writing. I’ll check that book out. I’m still working on incorporating my tasks from last week. Go you!

    • Hi! You do get a prize! My first born! Kidding, bad joke! I’m thinking, you will get a prize but it need tomake a post about it first.

  2. Way to go, G! I ordered my book from the library and will pick it up today. The other book I need to order from Amazon is _The Best Sex Writing 2012_. I cannot wait to get my hands on that one.

    Glad you’re sticking with it. Writing in the morning is what I try to do, and now that school is almost over–I cannot wait to have more mornings to do it.


    • Thank you! All her books seem really good, the 2013 book has a lot of interesting topics in it. Thank you for having me be part of the challenge!

  3. My sexual bucket list includes a bucket. Weird. I hear ya with the kids issue. Same boat. The only prize I ever won, was a goldfish that died the next day.

  4. I made it to the end, where’s my prize? Maybe I should give that book a try, it sounds interesting. Thanks for mentioning it!

    • Your prize shall come. 🙂
      I think you would like her 2013 writing sex book. More like anthropology of sex, sexology I guess.

  5. Kids and the fear of having to explain yourself can be such a blockade when it comes to being creative… I know all to well. Glad you found some quick literature that didn’t slow you down in your process. Keep at it!

  6. YEAH, my bucker includes golden showers, shit masturbation, spanking, oral sex cum smacking, passing-out, leg-lifting, two man orgies with the Queen, salubrious alley sick sucking, arse bending, defacating on top of the hairline, straight fucking, bucket imprisonment by wedge, farting, glue snifing, poppers.
    thanks darls, I like your tits even more now, fucking RAD!

    • I have a lot to learn, l feel like a fucking virgin looking at your list! Hi there, you naughty man! I’m going to have to Google a few things (on top of who’s hairline?) You made me smile, thank you for your comment and compliments, cum back soon!

  7. I want a prize too! I love your writing style (and your nipples too, but that’s not relevant) which is why you’ve been nominated for the Sensual Blogger Award!

    • Dude! Thank you so much! I can’t wait to check out your blog more, I’m very intrigued! I will gladly accept such an award!

  8. Pingback: 12/12 Challenge: Week 2 | Love Sex and Marriage

  9. You rock G! Glad you got your groove back. *hugs and kisses*

  10. Grammar…commas…these little dot things…who the fuck cares. I suck at grammar myself. The Thesaurus is my best friend as well as spell check. If someone is concentrating too hard on my commas then my story and characters must be boring and as far as I’m concerned, that is a much bigger issue. That’s what I concentrate on. Let the commas fall where they may. 🙂

  11. You’re hilarious, cutie!
    I made it to the end, by the way…

  12. Pingback: I’m A Bad Girl | Cara Thereon

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